


I love the thought of being with you (or maybe it’s the thought of not being so alone)

by Lukaa



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Double Drabble, Drabble, Established Relationship, Lazy Mornings, M/M, Sad Ending, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, i wanted to write a story based on the title, peach scone, sunrise, very light though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:58:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14394795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukaa/pseuds/Lukaa
Summary: He Tian's thoughts while watching a sunrise.Mo Guan Shan's emotions during their break-up.(Titles from Hobo Johnson's song Peach Scone, you should listen to it)





	1. The thought of you

He Tian woke up with the sun in his eyes. The soft blankets covering his torso. He rolled over to see red hair sticking out at the top of the covers.  _How cute~_ He thought.

He and Red had been together for a while now and He Tian was having the time of his life. From the playful teasing to the lustful stares, he loved the feeling Mo Guan Shan gave him every day.

Leaning back, He Tian watched the light trails as they danced on the bed. God, he was happy, or he should be. Every morning, waking up to a beautiful boyfriend and cared and loved him.

Everything should be perfect, everything  _is_ perfect. So why doesn't he feel it? He has everything he ever needed, ever wanted. He doesn't feel so alone anymore, doesn't feel so hopeless.

So  _why_ does he still feel the urge to just take one step forward whenever he is on the roof of his apartment building, looking down on the city below. Why does he still race faster and faster, driving like he is suicidal along the city roads?

He still takes risks, hasn't tried to quit smoking even though Mo urges him to. Still gets into fights, sometimes just for fun.

He needs a cigarette right now actually. 

He Tian quietly gets up and lights a cigarette. Standing at the edge of the room, looking over the city, at the sunrise. The oranges and reds shimmering across the edge of the world. He takes a long drag in, the smoke burning his lungs. 

He looks back at Mo, the redhead breathing quietly with his back facing him. He loves him, or maybe he just loves the thought of not being so alone.


	2. The second one's way sadder than the first

"I can't FUCKING  believe you anymore! All you do is lie lie  _lie_ , to me and to everyone else!" Mo Guan Shan was furious. "I  _loved_ you! God, I loved you so much and... and I thought you loved me back..."

They're at He Tian apartment, going on like this for a while now. It's a normal occurrence, them getting into fights. But this one is worse. This one feels all too real.

Mo strides up He Tian. Getting right in his face, cheeks red hot with tears, eyes bloodshot, clutching He Tian's shirt. He Tian hates it, he hates how sad he makes Mo, he hates how  _hard_ he's tried to love him, but he just can't.

"I need you to answer this He Tian, I've asked so many times and you've always lied. He tian..."

Mo hesitates, still holding He Tian's shirt. " _Do you love me?"_

He Tian doesn't say anything. He wants to, god, he wants to say so much. He wants to say how he wants to love Mo, he wants to say how much Mo deserves love, deserves his love. He wants to say how he doesn't even know what love it, doesn't know how to express it. But he doesn't say anything.

Mo breaks down, collapsing to the floor. Drained, at He Tians feet. " _We're done,"_

 _"_ Please, for my sake, He Tian stay away from me..."


End file.
